Awareness at the Intersection
Paul Gallegos spends his free time standing on roadsides throughout the Coachella Valley, holding signs to promote the message of The Desert AIDS Project. You might not think twice in seeing his message but he knows more than most just how valuable its lesson is.
In 1999, Paul already had years of heavy drinking and drug use behind him. In preparation for a construction job, he’d decided to get a physical. The results of a routine blood test sent him and Kelley, his girlfriend of five years and expecting a child, into shock. Paul was HIV positive.
He spiraled, his drinking getting heavier, leading to trouble with the law and jail time. There was little education about the virus and even doctors would distance themselves from its victims. While in prison, Paul wasn’t being given the medication prescribed to him and his health declined further.
Kelley lost the baby, and though they were devastated at the time, they’re grateful the child was spared what could have been a lifetime of pain. Kelley was tested as well and her results were negative. Though it broke his heart, Paul gave her the option to end their relationship. However, Kelley’s love was strong enough to keep her at his side, as he’d always been at hers. They married shortly after. Since his release, Paul has remained clean and out of trouble.
As their life together accumulated as much normalcy as it could stand under the circumstances, this young couple looked to the future. They still wanted children together. Doctors advised against it; sperm washing was too expensive; nobody could help. They waited until test results showed the disease was undetectable, then chose to play the odds…and won. They understood that if the woman is virus-free, the child will be too. They gave birth to a healthy son and are expecting another son any day.
Paul explained his medications to me, the first being AZT, which left him with morning sickness and a lack of appetite. After adjustments, he was on one regiment for five years and another for seven. He was given a life expectancy of 10 years in 1999; it’s been twelve, and 42-year-old Paul assures me, “I’m still good.”
Paul smiles with hope, but he and his family are painfully aware that everything can change at any time. Paul is unable to work due to side affects and severe pain of neuropathy and joint disease, which he forces himself to live with to avoid unnecessary drugs. He supports his family with the meager funding.
He’s very open with his kids, family, and friends, though many are neither understanding nor forgiving. He’s shunned by people who don’t realize they aren’t at risk by merely being in his presence, however if they pass on a simple cold to him it could be life threatening.
His children are open about their Dad, too. They’re fiercely defensive and supportive—his 17 year old daughter often stands on the street with him. They, too, have suffered the reality of a cruel, uneducated society. Kids who had been friends with his children since kindergarten began to taunt, bully, and reject them when they found out about their father’s condition. Eventually, he and his wife made the decision to home school. His daughter hopes to become a doctor—a disease specialist. If she has her father’s drive, I’ve no doubt her dream will come true.
This summer, she’s finally old enough to volunteer at Camp Heartland in Malibu, which was created for children infected and affected by AIDS. Having attended in the past, the camp means a tremendous amount to this young lady. Her brother asks daily if he can attend this year. His dad isn’t sure if their finances will allow it.
Paul is grateful for his wife and kids. “They are the reason I’m alive; without them I’d have given up.” When Paul was still imprisoned and support seemed unlikely, Kelley searched for help and found it in the Desert AIDS Project. He’s grateful to the professionals and volunteers at DAP, as well as celebrity advocates like Scott Nevins and Lorna Luft, who work tirelessly to raise awareness. Paul is focused on paying forward the support he has received—he was quiet for ten years, but silence will help no one.
Sadness reflects in his eyes showing he doesn’t like to talk about the events that brought him to this point in life, but he moves past it quickly, because he needs to. He doesn’t want pity: he blames no one but himself and takes full responsibility for contracting HIV. His days of drug use, sharing needles, and promiscuity all led to it and he knows that. He also knows that if he’d had the facts back then, he might still have done the things he did, but with caution, That’s the bottom line of his message, and it’s one he shares with anyone who will listen.
Paul wants the message sent plainly: though the CDC no longer sees HIV as an epidemic and people infected are now living longer, the danger is still very real, and there is still much work to do. And everyone is at risk, regardless of gender or sexual preference. He stresses that HIV stands for human immunodeficiency virus.
His wife often joins in sharing her story as well. When speaking to kids who often aren’t receptive to yet another talk, he begins by saying “each of you will know someone with HIV in your lifetime.” He then tells his audience they now know someone, often eliciting tears. Perhaps because deep down they hadn’t paid attention until now to another talk.
He is paid nothing for what he does; his time is donated from the heart. His goal is to educate and share, and if he spares one person the pain he and his family lives with each day, then his service will be rewarded.
If you see Paul, wave to him and show your support. On his behalf, educate yourself and your family and friends. If you know someone affected, reach out to them with understanding and see what you can do to help this fight. In our lifetime, let’s support those infected so they may know fulfilling lives, and let’s work to ensure that no one else must endure this.
It can be done, one person at a time–just like Paul.
If you’d like to talk to Paul or have him speak at your organization, please contact me and I’ll forward your message.
megarza
I am very Proud to say that Paul Gallegos is my brother. I am very proud of the effort he is making to reduce the chances of having to have someone edure the pain and disease that we see Paul suffer. Paul continue to reach out to the valley if you can help one person, that is one person that can be saved from that disease. I love you Paul, Im proud of you. Keep up the good work and congratulations on your Baby boy…Pauls little sister. Melissa Gallegos Garza
Helen Holdun
Melissa, you must be very proud of Paul - and rightfully so! Meeting him has touched my life immeasurably. Such an honor to interview him and continue to help in any way I can to get his message to the world.
Helen
Kelley Gallegos
I am so proud of my husband Paul. He got this idea and ran with it. He has such a passion, and drive to help people relize this disease is real and can affect anyone. He goes out there for hours and holds his sign. He has so much more he plans to do. I admire his courage, passion,drive and fully support him 100% in what he does. I apperciate Helen Holden for doing such a wonderful compassionate job writing this story.
megarza
Thank you Helen, I am very Proud of my brother and his courage to get out there and not be ashamed to show his face to this cruel and jugdmental world. That to me is soo inspiring that he was scarifice his feelings, time and emotion just to get the word out. Like Paul always says ” He told sooo many people to get tested without having to say one word.”Paul takes time away from his family to stand on the streets to reach out to others. This is a dibilitating disease and yet Paul takes so much time and puts so much effort so that people and become educated, Paul has done so much for the community that he doesn’t get recongition for. Paul has spoken to schools, stood on the corners with his sign, tweets education on Twitter and also was a strong supporter of DAP and the AIDS Walk 2010. I am a very proud sister. I will always support my brother in anything he does positive. I also want to give him recongition for being a wonderful Dad, he is great and deserves honor. I also want to tell my niece Monica Gallegos that she is special for putting herself out there with her dad to show support. Paul and his family are very close and deserve anything good that comes to them. I love you Paul and Family…Melissa
E.Lara
Wow I am in awe to see this article!
I want to thank you Paul for reaching out to all of us who live in this valley.
I currently work at a pharmacy and work with a lot of patients with this virus. It is really hard to educate people and try to have them understand and I really appreciate what you do and are a real role model for those who are scared to be informed or get tested. Keep up the good work!
Mimis1222
I just wanted to let my cousin know how proud I am of him. Paul you are a true insperation to all of us, I know that you have suffered alot but no matter what you have kept strong and endured all hardship. I love you and admire you so much for it.